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What has changed (and what hasn't) since we got married?


It's already been one year since we got married. Time to summarise and see what has changed since we are husband and wife.

In the past, we thought about getting married from time to time, but we did not perceive legalising our relationship as a particularly important or useful step. We treated it rather as an interesting opportunity to celebrate our love with the people who are dear to us. Then, the pandemic came and for the first time being legally related could have changed our plans, allowing Andrea to enter Poland during the first weeks of the lockdown. In fact, that was the first and only time we could have been asked to prove we are spouses. Although we do have the marriage certificate in our phones (just in case) it has never happened to us to show it to anybody. Yet, we did start to say every now and then that we are married, and it doesn't matter whether it is at the dentist in Poland or the city hall in Italy – things become smoother. It is not about any specific law or regulation, it's rather about the mindset of the person who answers our questions or requests about tooth care, bank account or profil zaufany [trusted citizen profile in Poland needed to sign documents online or have access to services] to make things easier. We sort of conveniently fit in a box, now. Being citizens of the European Union we do have rights to all of them anyway. In theory.

Similarly, between us things have changed and haven't changed at the same time. The marriage added a bit to the long term perspective, but as much as we haven't taken our relation for granted before, we don't take it now. We both still know that divorce is among the options and although it would be quite complicated (again all the paperwork in two different countries...) we are aware there is a choice. Not high on the list for sure, but eventually, if one day we realise our relation doesn't make sense anymore, we won't stay together only because we put a mark on a piece of paper. Saying so, we do believe a relationship is a constant work, that love requires action and care if it is supposed to last. And we put no less effort in nourishing our love every day, maybe we put even more, in these difficult pandemic times, when everything becomes more challenging – being together included.

Although we didn't really plan to, we started to call ourselves wife and husband while referring to one another, also during daily conversations; and there is some newly discovered pleasure in it, which we haven't expected. All in all, there is some... maybe not even a promise, but a declaration in those words, a declaration of how we feel about each other in this moment. A declaration of decision that we want to do everything possible to stay together forever. Basically, in some weird way we feel that for a good relationship we have to take the other person for granted. And the opposite. As mentioned, constant work is required and knowing that things may not last forever is a good motivation to put effort and energy in it. On the other hand, it's difficult to go 100% into a relationship and build upon it without assuming this is the one. And without being fully ourselves, fully vulnerable, fully present with all our joys, hopes, but also fears and traumas, it's difficult, maybe even impossible to build a deep relation, able to stand despite inner and outer challenges. Or even thanks to them.

Our #YearOfLove is almost over. Yet our #LifeOfLove is still in front of us. Thank you all for being a part of our 12 months celebration. Thank you for joining us for colourful dinners, for being a part of the magical Connection Weekend, for supporting us by ordering the Love Cards, for helping us choose initiatives we want to support, for reading, commenting and sharing posts about #OurRelations. Let's keep loving!

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