#OurRelations: Wedding
So... we got married :)
Ain't it a good excuse to come back to #OurRelations posts and speak a little bit about wedding in general?
We've been together for more than 9 years and the idea of getting married kept popping up every now and again. Our opinions about it varied depending on the moment. Lately it was mostly around the „why not?” mark, but thinking about the hassle and the many other things to do... We had already thought to get married before starting our travel around the world, convinced it might make things easier; but in fact, beside one night in Indonesia in which we had to sleep in separate rooms because we were not spouses, it never occurred to be needed that much. Till pandemic came.
As we wrote in Coming back home in times of corona, in March we were in India and when Covid became a thing it forced us to decide from one day to another to come back to Europe. Our first thought was to head toward Poland, as at that time Italy was at the peak of the first wave and it was the last place in the world people wanted to go. Yet, exactly that moment Poland closed its borders to foreigners and as we weren't officially related, there was no way for Andrea to enter the country (yes, we talked to all possible people, from embassies to border police). Finally, we ended up in Italy and eventually it was probably better than getting stuck for the all lockdown in Poland, as we could at least enjoy nature with the excuse of feeding animals at the farm, while in Lodz we would be in a flat, in the middle of the city. Anyway, it was the first time we felt that actually being married would make a huge difference and so we started to think quite seriously about - as Anna's mother put it once ;) - legalizing our relation.
A second reason was that we thought for some time to buy a tiny piece of farmland (which finally did not happen) and we realized that being strangers on papers, we cannot easily transfer money from one account to another. Our 9th anniversary in July was coming, so we thought – perfect time to get married! From August on we wanted to be in Poland, so why not making everything happen before that.
Well, it proved more complicated than we thought. If Anna was Italian, it would be no more than applying to the right office. But as a foreigner she firstly needed a paper from her own country (for which she needed a certificate from Italy) confirming that she is nubile and so can get married – or, to be more precise, that she can marry Andrea, because the paper is person-specific. Either you get it from your municipality or from the embassy, in any case you have to appear large as life (not everything went online...). As we wanted to be in Poland by early fall, we figured it would be easier to get the certificate in Lodz. So, we had to postpone the wedding date to the end of October, once we would be back in Italy. Later on, we realized travelling between countries in the midst of the second wave may be less than perfect so we had to postpone the date once more. Finally we bought a one-way ticket for the beginning of December, asked the office to set the date for Andrea's birthday on the 14th of December, so even if we were to do quarantine we would be able to make it. And so we did make it. ;)
Before telling you more about our own wedding, we wanted to linger a little on the idea of marriage in general. As said above, since few years we were not really against it, but also not strongly motivated to take this step, as we didn't see that many advantages. We put a lot of energy and effort in our relation and we thought that signing a piece of paper in front of an officer who's not even able to pronounce Anna's name (not the officer fault, Andrea took years to learn it :P ) wouldn't add an inch. We cherished the idea of promising each other eternal love and celebrate our union in front of those we care about, but having them spread in different countries it was difficult to even imagine how could we gather them all. Finally, Covid gave us the mean to take this step and avoid some of the challenges, as anyway people couldn't travel to meet us, so it opened the door for a whole new concept, which we will speak later about. We got married now, instead of waiting for the perfect moment – perfect times never come anyway -, not because Anna is pregnant or to avoid boring relatives around (as more than one person put it), but because living in such unsure times we don't want to keep wondering whether we can both enter this or that country. But we are very aware that being able to choose marriage as a solution is a privilege and not everybody has it. There are a lot of people, also among our dearest friends, who regardless of their mutual love and devotion cannot legally become family. And this has to change. We want to dedicate this important year to everybody, despite their gender, sexual orientation, colour of skin and any other factor.
Coming back to our own story, we got married in the morning of the 14th of December and we celebrated in a rather small group with Andrea's parents, his sister and her family. We had lunch together in a tiny agritourism in the middle of the Apennines, in a village consisting of no more than 6 houses. The food was vegetarian, local and seasonal, so to match values which are important to us, and it was delicious, so to satisfy Italian needs. ;)
However, this is just the beginning of the celebration!
We have decided that 2021 will be for us a #YearOfLove, during which we celebrate, with our marriage, the 10th anniversary of our relationship. We have a lot of different ideas for smaller and bigger celebrations that we will slowly implement, a bit offline, a bit in social media, a bit just for ourselves, and a bit in smaller or larger groups. We are not planning a wedding in the traditional format, rather, inspired by Conscious Connections, we want to use our year of love to be closer to ourselves and closer to those who are important to us, to create a space for discussion and questioning the status quo, to break taboos and look for different ways of expressing love and deepening relationship. Coming back to #OurRelations posts will be one of the ways.
Meanwhile, for 2021, we wish you all deep love to each other, to your partner, to those who are close and dear to you, but also to the world as a whole. Love flowing from within, depending on what's inside rather than outside. Love that recognizes the independence of the other person, nourished by our wholeness, not by fear or unfulfilled desires. Love coming from full self-acceptance, empowering and strengthening what is the most beautiful in each of us.
And for the beginning of our year of love we attach one of the beautiful pics taken by Andrea's dad. :) Expect more – photos and stories – in upcoming months and please, feel free to share your thoughts below!